Newsflash:  It’s now confirmed.  President Trump is serious about buying Greenland.  If the purchase comes to pass, then the Immigration, Customs Enforcement (ICE) agency will have a new home.  Mr. Trump’s first action there will be to build a new Trump Tower.  It will be constructed entirely of ice and become the headquarters of ICE. 

Once lodged in Greenland, the first mission of ICE will be to kick out all of the people living there for hundreds, if not thousands of years.  After all, once Greenland becomes the property of the United States, all of these people will instantly become illegal aliens.  This is obvious because they did not go to Mexico and apply for a visa of any sort.  So, they will simply have to go.  After all, we can’t have these naughty people residing in our fair territory.  They might eat fish that haven’t been certified by the Federal Drug Administration.  If that isn’t bad enough, they may even want to sell them to us.  Can’t you see it, gangs of illegal Greenlanders flooding us with foreign fish?  It could become an epidemic that will curl the hair of our children.  This just has to be stopped immediately.

When deported, where will they go you ask?  Well, probably Mexico since that’s where we’re sending aliens regardless of their origins.  We can’t consider Denmark because that’s been their citizenship since Leif Ericson landed there 1,000 years ago while en-route to North America.  Thank goodness, he came and left our shores quickly.  Otherwise, any descendents would have to be traced and deported.  You know, children of illegal aliens brought to these fair lands.

So, stand by for more news flashes as information becomes available to your Daily Squawk.